Avril wanted a joke!

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   TOTALLY AGREE CARLSBERG, HERE'S ONE FOR YA HOPE IT MAKES YA SMILE : 
GIRLS NIGHT OUT: 
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realised they both needed to go and have a wee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her knickers, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her knickers on ." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!' 

The forum seems very quiet at the moment, could it be due to being winter and no-one is  flying out for a holiday during these months, or is it because we have some whingers who are putting people off posting, dont know, but its a shame. Its nice to be nice!!!

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Jayjan Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Top Contributors Joined: 21/November/2006 Status: Offline Points: 7400	Posted: 20/December/2008 at 22:49
	TOTALLY AGREE CARLSBERG, HERE'S ONE FOR YA HOPE IT MAKES YA SMILE : GIRLS NIGHT OUT: Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realised they both needed to go and have a wee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her knickers, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home. The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her knickers on ." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!' The forum seems very quiet at the moment, could it be due to being winter and no-one is flying out for a holiday during these months, or is it because we have some whingers who are putting people off posting, dont know, but its a shame. Its nice to be nice!!!

alan&alice Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Top Contributors Joined: 07/May/2006 Location: albufeira Status: Offline Points: 1384	Posted: 20/December/2008 at 22:59
	hope you all enjoy this one PECANS IN THE CEMETERY On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls." The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord." Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord. At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done." They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.
	http://www.holidaylettings.co.uk/rentals/albufeira/481652

Jayjan Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Top Contributors Joined: 21/November/2006 Status: Offline Points: 7400	Posted: 20/December/2008 at 23:04
	Gud one Alan & Alice

Milly_Molly Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 22/April/2008 Status: Offline Points: 1140	Posted: 21/December/2008 at 09:42


Guests Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Guest	Posted: 21/December/2008 at 10:03
	"JAYJAN" The forum seems very quiet at the moment, could it be due to being winter and no-one is flying out for a holiday during these months, or is it because we have some whingers who are putting people off posting, dont know, but its a shame. Its nice to be nice!!! I AM NOT GOING AWAY UNTIL THE SUMMER OF "09" BUT THATS NO EXCUSE TO NOT COME ON HERE, IT,S PROBABLY THE LATTER, NO-ONE DARES AIR THEIR VIEWS ANYMORE IN CASE OF A HAND-SLAP.

gerry Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 07/January/2007 Status: Offline Points: 551	Posted: 21/December/2008 at 23:41
	HI Carlsberg, "don't worry be happy", what about that goel that Robbie Keane scored today, sheer class, if he starts scoring regularly Liverpool will win the title, hope they do it, would make a nice change

Guests Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Guest	Posted: 22/December/2008 at 00:16
	gerry: i agree ROBBIES goal was a cracker but then again so was Van persie's, just a shame we could,nt break down their 10 men.

gerry Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 07/January/2007 Status: Offline Points: 551	Posted: 22/December/2008 at 00:53
	Thieves took advantage of the recent "Battle of Britain" Champions League match between Liverpool and Arsenal to burgle two more footballers’ homes. The first unfortunate victim was Liverpool skipper Steven Gerrard. The crooks got away with countless items of football memorabilia including many of Gerrard’s medals. Police are currently on the hunt for two FA Cup winners’ medals, an FA Youth Cup winners’ medal, two League Cup winners’ medals, a Champions League winners’ medal, a UEFA Cup winners’ medal, two European Super Cup winners medals and two Charity Shield winners’ medals. They also took a number of personal awards including PFA Player of the Year and Young Player of the Year, as well as Gerrard’s much-cherished MBE. The other unfortunate player to be targeted was Arsenal’s Cesc Fabregas. Thieves are thought to have escaped with a kettle and a toaster. Carlsberg this joke is to cheer you up, and yes Liverpool should have went on to win when Arsenal went down to 10 men. Me and you could be in BIG TROUBLE because this subject probably should be in the sports section.

mystery Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Regular Joined: 13/April/2007 Location: Italy Status: Offline Points: 253	Posted: 23/December/2008 at 09:20


micndaz Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 29/May/2007 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 60	Posted: 23/December/2008 at 13:20
	A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he would remember easily so that he could log on. The husband was in a rather amorous, playful mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in....... P...E.....N....I.....S..... His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied: PASSWORD DENIED.......... NOT LONG ENOUGH

Milly_Molly Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 22/April/2008 Status: Offline Points: 1140	Posted: 24/December/2008 at 08:36
	LOve it!!!!

janet Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 20/October/2007 Location: northern irelan Status: Offline Points: 591	Posted: 24/December/2008 at 15:37
	So he isnt called Bob and lives in Norn Iron then?
	owners direct p5473

Guests Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Guest	Posted: 24/December/2008 at 15:59
	KNOCK KNOCK !

Jayjan Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Top Contributors Joined: 21/November/2006 Status: Offline Points: 7400	Posted: 24/December/2008 at 16:01
	Carlsberg, ring the doorbell instead.

Milly_Molly Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 22/April/2008 Status: Offline Points: 1140	Posted: 25/December/2008 at 09:03
	Whose there?