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tiganut
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Joined: 29/July/2009
Status: Offline
Points: 2010
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Posted: 12/June/2012 at 12:35 |
Its only old if you heard it before
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He Who Dies With The Most Toys Wins
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tiganut
Top Contributors
Joined: 29/July/2009
Status: Offline
Points: 2010
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Posted: 13/June/2012 at 14:05 |
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his deaf bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him
out of ten million dollars.
The Godfather gave Guido the job of keeping
his books because he assumed that Guido would hear nothing, so if ever
question he would never have to testify in court.
When the Godfather
goes to confront Guido about his missing ten million, he takes along his
lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him
where's the money?"
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's
the money?"
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking
about!"
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he don't know what
you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to
Guido's temple and says, "Ask him again!"
The lawyer signs to Guido,
"He'll kill you if you don't tell him!"
Guido signs back, "OK.!!!! You
win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin
Bruno's house."
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he
say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the
trigger."
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He Who Dies With The Most Toys Wins
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Wireman
Senior Member
Joined: 17/April/2007
Status: Offline
Points: 1263
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Posted: 14/June/2012 at 14:59 |
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Regular Visitor
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Avril
Top Contributors
Joined: 27/February/2008
Status: Offline
Points: 4415
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Posted: 14/June/2012 at 15:13 |
Titters out loud! I wonder if there is a male equivalent, I shall go investigate!!
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Consistently inconsistent, Esse sou eu!
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Wireman
Senior Member
Joined: 17/April/2007
Status: Offline
Points: 1263
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Posted: 14/June/2012 at 15:27 |
Avril, a male equivalent? Surely not .
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Avril
Top Contributors
Joined: 27/February/2008
Status: Offline
Points: 4415
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Posted: 14/June/2012 at 15:36 |
Indeed there is but being a mere woman, I don't know how to post it on here, grrrrrrrrr!!! Some clever female will be along later to do it though, usually Polli comes up trumps!!!
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Consistently inconsistent, Esse sou eu!
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Jayjan
Top Contributors
Joined: 21/November/2006
Status: Offline
Points: 7400
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Posted: 14/June/2012 at 15:47 |
God AV you have stumped me, I must get mi brain in gear and have a think, but possibly my answer of a male equivilent would probably get censored.
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Polli the dancing cat strikes again.
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Avril
Top Contributors
Joined: 27/February/2008
Status: Offline
Points: 4415
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Posted: 14/June/2012 at 15:51 |
Ha ha, I just googled Hazardous Materials data Sheet and there is one for men and it's funny I just don't know how to upload it onto here!!!! I'm not good at that kind of thing.
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Consistently inconsistent, Esse sou eu!
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tiganut
Top Contributors
Joined: 29/July/2009
Status: Offline
Points: 2010
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Posted: 14/June/2012 at 16:32 |
Try this
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He Who Dies With The Most Toys Wins
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alan&alice
Top Contributors
Joined: 07/May/2006
Location: albufeira
Status: Offline
Points: 1384
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Posted: 14/June/2012 at 16:33 |
Here you are avril. .
MATERIALS SAFETY DATA SHEET
MEN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
ELEMENT: MAN
ATOMIC WEIGHT: Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to 360 lbs
SYMBOL: EGO
DISCOVERER: Eve. Discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs.
OCCURANCE: Large quantities in all populated areas. Highly concentrated deposits at all sporting events and areas known as "singles bars". Extremely low quantities can be found in any location where cleaning up is required. (See Women and Slave Labor)
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1) Surface often covered with hair--bristly in some areas, soft in others.
2) Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic & Common Sense.
3) Melts if treated like a God.
4) Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
5) Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.
6) Becomes stubborn and unyielding when pressure is applied; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1) Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious and semi-precious metals and stones (See Jewelery Store). However, is attracted to small quantities of these when viewed worn against the skin of a woman. It is believed woman's skin combines with the aforementioned to create a highly magnetic attraction for this element.
2) May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened.
3) Requires copious quantities of substances known as attention, reassurance, and stroking.
4) When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements.
5) Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.
6) Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.
7) Is rendered non-functional when confronted with the items in #5 & #6.
8) Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.
9) Is impervious to embarrassment.
10) Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to woman.
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http://www.holidaylettings.co.uk/rentals/albufeira/481652
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Avril
Top Contributors
Joined: 27/February/2008
Status: Offline
Points: 4415
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Posted: 14/June/2012 at 16:54 |
Ha ha, nice to see I have the men running around after me Thanks guys xx
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Consistently inconsistent, Esse sou eu!
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Jayjan
Top Contributors
Joined: 21/November/2006
Status: Offline
Points: 7400
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Posted: 14/June/2012 at 16:58 |
hahaha excellent Alan
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Polli the dancing cat strikes again.
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Wireman
Senior Member
Joined: 17/April/2007
Status: Offline
Points: 1263
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Posted: 14/June/2012 at 20:27 |
Avril wrote:
Ha ha, nice to see I have the men running around after me Thanks guys xx |
That's impressive.
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Avril
Top Contributors
Joined: 27/February/2008
Status: Offline
Points: 4415
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Posted: 14/June/2012 at 20:43 |
Har har! I can manage smiley's!!!
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Consistently inconsistent, Esse sou eu!
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Wireman
Senior Member
Joined: 17/April/2007
Status: Offline
Points: 1263
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Posted: 14/June/2012 at 20:49 |
I meant the blokes coming a running when you whistle .
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