Avril wanted a joke!

Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this
letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing
very well. You won't recognise the house when you get home - because we
have moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents
happen
within 20 miles from your home, so we moved 25 miles to Wexford.





I won't be able to send you the address because the last
family
that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they
wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. It
even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though:
last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them
since.

Your father's got a really good job now. He's got 500 men under him.
He's cutting the grass at the cemetery. Your sister Mary had a baby
this morning but I haven't found out if it's a boy or a girl, so I
don't know whether you are an auntie or an uncle. Your brother Tom is
still in the army. He's only been there a short while and they've
already made him a court martial!


Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey in
the
Dublin Distillery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he
fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to
put out the fire.

I'm sorry to say that your idiot cousin Seamus was arrested while
riding his bicycle last week. They are charging him with dope
peddling.


I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me.
The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for
ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice this week, first for
three days and then for four days Monday was so windy one of the
chickens laid the same egg four times.

We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last payment on
your grandmother's plot wasn't paid in seven days, up she comes.

About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it
would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut
them off and put them in the pockets.

John locked his keys in the car yesterday.. We were really worried
because it took him two hours to get me and your father out





Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck.
Ralph was driving. He wound down the window and swam to safety. Your
other two friends were in the flatbed at the back. They drowned
because they couldn't get the tailgate down. There isn't much more
news at this time.


Nothing much has happened.
Your loving Mum.