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Avril wanted a joke!

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Andrew View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Andrew Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01/June/2012 at 13:15
I heard their next manager is going to be Ken Dodd, so they didn't have to change the initials on the managers track suit and so that people wouldn't laugh at them so much!
Andrew
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Wireman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01/June/2012 at 15:13
Originally posted by Andrew Andrew wrote:

I heard their next manager is going to be Ken Dodd, so they didn't have to change the initials on the managers track suit and so that people wouldn't laugh at them so much!
LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Andrew Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02/June/2012 at 15:29
Apologies if already posted but this is brilliant, a choir of dogs doing a Star Wars tune!

http://www.nesn.com/2012/01/volkswagon-super-bowl-commercial-teaser-shows-off-bark-side-with-star-wars-singing-dogs.html?utm_source=crowdignite.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=crowdignite.com

You may well have to cut and paste or else Google.. It is worth it.
Andrew
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Avril Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03/June/2012 at 22:43
Ha ha, I did titter out loud!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Avril Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05/June/2012 at 09:02
Cheryl Cole warbling at the Jubilee concert - what a joke!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tiganut Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07/June/2012 at 07:57
Joe wanted to buy a motorcycle. He doesn't have much luck, until one
day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old.
It's shiny and in absolute mint condition.

He immediately buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great
condition for 10 years.

'Well, it's quite simple really,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike
is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects
it from the rain.' (true story)

And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents.
Naturally, they take the bike there.

But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says,
'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.'

'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says
anything during dinner has to do the dishes.'

'No problem,' he says.. and in they go.

Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge
stack of dirty dishes.

In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs,
in the corridor, everywhere he looks... dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner, and sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.

So he leans over and kisses Sandra.

No one says a word.

So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.

Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes
off, throws her on the table and screws her, right there in front of her
parents.

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid and her
mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

He looks at her mom..

'She's got a great body,' he thinks.

So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, pulls down her
panties, and screws her every which way but loose right there on the
dinner table.

After she has a big orgasm, he sits down again.

Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, the Mom is
pleasantly beaming.
But still.... total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.

Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his
pocket....

Suddenly the father shouted....

'I'll do the ******* dishes!!'
He Who Dies With The Most Toys Wins
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote el birnn Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07/June/2012 at 10:04
haha  good un
Nunc bibendum est
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote alan&alice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07/June/2012 at 13:02
ClapThumbs Up
http://www.holidaylettings.co.uk/rentals/albufeira/481652
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mystery Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07/June/2012 at 18:02
Clap
Live life to the max!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote bob d Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08/June/2012 at 12:26
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated 
but must come back as a different creature. 
She said she would like to come back as a cow. 
I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
we're not brazil we're norn iron
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Avril Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11/June/2012 at 09:12
Hee hee, guddun's !
2013 - oh no 50!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tiganut Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11/June/2012 at 16:38
A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink. He replied, "No thanks. I do not drink. I tried it once, but I did not like it."

So the bartender said, "Well, would you like a cigarette?"

However, the man said, "No thanks. I do not smoke. I tried it once, but I did not like it."

The bartender asked him if he would like to play a game of pool, and again the man said, "No thanks. I do not like pool. I tried it once, but I did not like it. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be here at all, but I am waiting for my son."

The bartender said, "Your only son, I am guessing?" .
He Who Dies With The Most Toys Wins
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Avril Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11/June/2012 at 16:52
Stan was goin to the dentists this mornin when he bumped into his mate Alan. "Stan they reckon there's a lass works in there who loves givin blow jobs and smokin weed". I said "What's her name". Alan say's "Her friends call her Oral High Jean".
2013 - oh no 50!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Algarveaddick Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11/June/2012 at 23:42
Originally posted by tiganut tiganut wrote:

<span style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; ">A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink. He replied, "No thanks. I do not drink. I tried it once, but I did not like it."</span><br style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; "><br style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; "><span style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; ">So the bartender said, "Well, would you like a cigarette?"</span><br style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; "><br style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; "><span style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; ">However, the man said, "No thanks. I do not smoke. I tried it once, but I did not like it."</span><br style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; "><br style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; "><span style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; ">The bartender asked him if he would like to play a game of pool, and again the man said, "No thanks. I do not like pool. I tried it once, but I did not like it. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be here at all, but I am waiting for my son."</span><br style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; "><br style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; "><span style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; ">The bartender said, "Your only son, I am guessing?" .</span>



Sounds like some of the post pub culture people we get in Floyd's sometimes...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Algarveaddick Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11/June/2012 at 23:43
Originally posted by Algarveaddick Algarveaddick wrote:

Originally posted by tiganut tiganut wrote:

<span style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; ">A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink. He replied, "No thanks. I do not drink. I tried it once, but I did not like it."</span><br style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; "><br style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; "><span style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; ">So the bartender said, "Well, would you like a cigarette?"</span><br style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; "><br style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; "><span style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; ">However, the man said, "No thanks. I do not smoke. I tried it once, but I did not like it."</span><br style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; "><br style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; "><span style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; ">The bartender asked him if he would like to play a game of pool, and again the man said, "No thanks. I do not like pool. I tried it once, but I did not like it. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be here at all, but I am waiting for my son."</span><br style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; "><br style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; "><span style="font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, 'lucida grande', arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; : rgb245, 245, 255; ">The bartender said, "Your only son, I am guessing?" .</span>



Sounds like some of the post pub culture people we get in Floyd's sometimes...


Even more so with the bizarre quote that happened there...
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